"Dirty Thoughts" from Wrestlemania 25 with Edge

"Maybe if I put on my best Travis the Chimp face, John Cena won't pin me in 20 minutes and win my title."

(It didn't work.)

Lindsay Lohan needs to eat...and MORE!!!

Taking polls about celebritites are almost as good as my homemade Egg McMuffins. (celeb news)
Sean Penn slams Madonna! (smack)

Bai Ling fails at boobie slipping. (candy)

Dita Von Teese looks like she belongs under my Christmas tree. (ayyyy)

Lindsay Lohan should be a magician, because she's disappearing before our eyes. (POTP)

Apparently, the Kardashians didn't get the memo about Travis the Chimp. (gabby)

Cute 9-year-old Jayla Cooper gets married. You NEED to check out this story...it's precious. (bitten)

WWE releases Smackdown! superstar!!! (wrestling)

Killer Chimps in Connecticut!!!

Okay, here's where tons of you think I should be fired from this blog, denounced as a human being, and probably hung in the gallows of Lawrence, Massachusetts. By now, I'm sure you've all heard about this story about Travis the Chimp mauling some lady and putting her in critical condition before getting shot and killed. Now, don't get me wrong, I feel horrible that the poor lady had her hands eaten off and that Travis got killed, but outside of that...I find this story HILARIOUS!

Seriously? A killer f*cking chimp mauls some broad and eats her hands completely off while the owner is screaming like a wild banchee (I don't think that's a type of ape) into the phone with 911 and making NO sense at all? Then come to find out, it's the owner's GIRLFRIEND who got ripped apart? (The owner is also female...an old lesbian with a 200-pound chimp? Really? I can't make this sh*t up.) The owner is just straight up bat sh*t crazy, which is probably why I find this story so humorous. I had the news on earlier and it was interviewing the owner, and she pretty much said she does everything for/with the chimp except have sex with it.

She said she bathes him, goes food shopping for him, reads to him, watches TV with him, SLEEPS with him. Now, I get that this is all stuff you'd do with a pet dog -- BUT IT'S A 200 POUND CHIMP!! A F*CKING CHIMPANZEE!! Really?! They made something like this into a film once -- it's called Godzilla!! Check out the 911 call below...honestly, I laughed during the entire thing. Call me inhumane and tell me I'm going to Hell, I'll agree with you. But this stuff is CLASSIC!