Critic slams Jessica Simpson's live performance

If Jessica Simpson is trying to get her fans to follow her from pop star to country singer, she didn't make a lot of friends when performed at the Avalon Ballroom in Ontario, Canada on Wednesday. A critic tore apart her performance, and I gotta say, it's pretty funny.

The critic, John Law, submitted his critique to the Niagara Falls Review, and said that Jess still lives in a reality show and thinks people would rather hear her talk than sing because they're so fascinated with her personal life. John said she's dead wrong, saying that she felt the need to "explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about."

Apparently she dedicated a song to Tony Romo (like you can't see that one coming), and also discussed flatulence. Yes, Jessica talked about how she farts all the time and guarantees that it sounds like roses.

And she didn't help her credibility as a country star at all when she talked about how she lives "Destiny" Springfield (the singer's name is actually Dusty), and covered his song Son of a Preacher "so devoid of soul, that Dusty would disown it."

John Law is my new best friend. Anyone who slams someone that hard makes me want to buy them a pony.