Natalie Portman not dating Sean Penn

I called this from a mile away when the rumors started, and now I can confirm that I'm a genius by saying that Natalie Portman and Sean Penn are officially NOT dating. The rumors started before Sean filed for divorce for the second time from his wife Robin, but obviously the whole move for a divorce just heightened the rumors. Natalie finally spoke out to end this silly shizz.

Sean Penn is a friend and colleague. The reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue. I normally do not respond to rumors about my private life, however, this repeatedly fabricated story has forced me to do so.

Seriously. Why would someone as hot as Natalie Portman who could probably get just about any guy she wants, settle for a guy with old, saggy balls?

Sean Penn cheats on his wife!

Recent Oscar winner Sean Penn....well, he's just dumb. Honestly, you'd think Hollywood stars would be smarter if they were gonna screw around on their spouses. Sean went out to dinner with Natalie Portman, then the 2 disappeared for about 45 minutes. But when they left, they were seen heading over to the area that goes to the spa and private rooms. When they came back, they were seen shoving each other's tongues down each other's throats.

Who knew Natalie was such a hussy? And seriously, celebrities...you're always in the public eye. Be smart about cheating! Or..ya know..just don't do it?

Natalie Portman is in high demand

Everyone wants a piece of Natalie Portman. Ryan Gosling has been blowing up her phone trying to get her to hang out, but apparently she's dating Rodrigo Santoro. The couple have kept it on the down-low, but Natalie said he's really sweet.

I used to think Natalie was just cute...but somewhere along the way, she got blazin' hot.

Natalie Portman moves back home

For some un-Godly reason, Natalie Portman has decided to move back in with her parents. She said it was awesome at first since she got home-cooked meals and her laundry done for her, but it's all lead to trouble.

Yeah, when you're 27 and moving back in with your parents, life can't be going well.

Suri Cruise is in a glass case of emotion...and MORE!!!

Jack Osbourne must be the happiest guy in the world. Natalie Portman is single! (smack)

What every married couple should hope NOT to turn out like: Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife. (candy)

I'm pretty sure Parker Posey killed a stuffed animal to make a purse. (ayyyy)

The true answers to all the Girls Next Door drama! (POTP)

You know the kids at school who walk around with crazy facepaint, dark leather trenchcoats, and don't hang out with anyone? Yeah, that'll be Suri Cruise. (gabby)

Not really celebrity news, but...how do you cure Multiple Sclerosis? NAKED CLOWNS! (bitten)

Stone Cold Steve Austin to wrestle one last match at Wrestlemania 25?! (wrestling)

Poor Natalie Portman...

Yes, you're seeing that right. A dog peed on Natalie Portman yesterday.

(For the record I sat here for 10 minutes trying to come up with a witty line, but when you have a picture of a dog peeing on someone, you really don't need one.)

Lindsay Lohan & Ashley Olsen brawl!!! (and more)

Lindsay Lohan and Ashley Olsen almost brawl..... over another woman!!! (smack)

Here's Ashlee Simpson's complete line of new shirts at Wet Seal! (candy)

Close-up's of Jessica Simpson's big, wet Smurf kiss! (fatback)

Ever seen a 32 Double-G boob job before??? (ayyyy)

Natalie Portman got peed on by a dog. And someone was there to take the funny-ass photo!!! (POTP)

Posh Spice to join the Pussycat Dolls! (gabby)

PHOTOS & VIDEO of UFOs up in the sky in Pheonix last night!!! LOOK!!! (bitten)

Celebrities and their "bad skin days!" (popbytes)

Top Smackdown name suspended 60 days!!! (wrestling)